renegade_brodie

01:58 am: so much...yet not that much
well a great deal has happened but it really is not much to say. the renegade thing has ended....me and a few other DJ's got fed up and started our own station....for those interested it is www.audiogoo.com

things with that seem to going phenominally...the responsability level has greatly raised due to the fact that i have made the jump from DJ to DJ and Manager/part owner but the thing with our station is freedom of expression and that is all...

our mission statement is :

"Internet radio provides a single free medium to express thoughts and ideas, otherwise oppressed by the main stream media. However, most net radio stations across the globe attempt to mimic FM radio, which spawns conformity; AudioGoo was formed to annihilate its close minded competitors. Allow our audio jockey’s into your inner sub-conscious mind, once inside we will be able to reprogram and remove commercialism, which is imbedded into your physique. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the hard hitting content provided to you free of charge by AudioGoo, the only station on the planet which broadcasts uncensored thoughts and ideas."



aside from all of that im busy with a new job....40 hours a week.....telemarketing.....grrr >.<
i like the laid back atmosphere of the staff and the good pay...but i am afraid the constat calling will soon drive me insane...but i did get back in touch with an old friend of mine who's stepfathwer owns a local radio station and there is a chance that he can get me on over there...if nothign else it will be a foot in the door

im still at a major crossroads...as i have said there is a very good friend of mine who i think i have been slowly developing feelings for....and i am at the point where i am almost sure that she couldnt return said feelings....and that she has someone else in mind as far as companionship goes....and she could never care for me as more than a friend....i feel like i need to tell her for nothing else but to get it off my chest but to be honest...i am afraid of making things weird between me and her..

also i run a sort of company with my best friend and it is very important to him but lately i must see that i am starting to grow out of it...but i dont want to tell him becasue i am possitive it would hurt him because it has always been our thing...but i am honestly too busy and too old for it....blah i dunno...i suppose i shall have more later...

be at peace my friends...i wish i was



-justin

02:08 pm: Why not...
ok...the day is wednesday and i figure what the hell i will do one of these. i got the new NIN album yesterday it is titled " [with_teeth]" it is really a great CD in my opinion..now all i have to get are the new : CKY, SOAD,and Deftones hehe....
im feeling calm for some unknown reason..even thougn i am a bundle of nerves...i couldnt sleep last night and then i somehow passed out watching "Haggard" which is weird considering it is one of my favorite movies....as it turns out something i had been afriad of for a week or 2 is comming true i think i might be developing feelings for a pretty good friend of mine....and i am almost positive she does not feel the same...at this point i do not think i will pursue anything...just due to the fact i am afraid and this kind of thing never works out the way i want it to and i always end up getting hurt....blah...i really dont know at this point.

i will end this now....hopefully kevin will comeover this weekend and i will have soemthing halfway interesting to write...my life is so dull....

Currently listening:

04:36 am: what a weekend...
well the weekend is over and it was the best weekend in quite awhile....i am in a much better state than i was last time you heard from me. so lets get this mother fucker started....

friday... wake up go out to go to class have to stop for gas.....i run out and stiop on the road,.....right in front of the goddamned gas station...isn't that a bitch. i kick it into reverse and coast backwards into the stationthen i am stuck like less than 10 ft from a pump.......this is my luck i then go in to ask if i can borrow a can to transport gas to my car and they say no...........then i sit for about an hou87r and these people offer to help me push my car and we get it to the pump and i fill up and im on my way to another big adveture...having missed class i went home and ....slept...what else....wake up around oh i dunno 5 pm and sit around the house all evening...i try to get kevin over but when he wasnt asleep his dad was so he never got to...instead we had to wait until saturday....as a side bar i quit taco bell....so thats good moving on.. friday night i stay up all night listening to kevins show and talking to my other best friend terri...then at 3 am terri had to go and it was my turn i did my show and kept going til about 6 them a sat around for half an hour and went to sleep until 2 or 3 saturday whuich brings us to *duh da duh*

SATURDAY!- i wake up and kevin is flooding me on msn trying to wake me...so i get up get ready and go to his house and we try to clean his room but he is more interested in trying to break my goddamned ankle...don't ask...we finally get it cleaned and then head back to my place...then we get there and hang out for a bit kevina nd cory get in a pillow fight and i talk to danielle for a while...eventually midnight rolls around and we go on air......and go all night it was awesome....we off and on ate and played playstation....then finally at like 10 am the next mornign we go to sleep

sunday.....not alot to say.. we sleep until 6 pm get up and watch a movie....play some more playstation....we watch the new family guy and american dad...very funny....and i say good bye to terri who is leaving for 2 weeks...so i wont get to talk to her for ...2 fucking weeks which royally sucks but...i will get through it.......i take kevin and we meet his mom at taco bell and fro some reason on the way home i start feeling depressed....but i get out out of it quickly.....i play some more play station and next thing i know it is 3 30 am....i notice the station is on auto so what the hell i take it and that brings us to where we are now....im DJing and writing this....thats it for now....will talk again soon

08:32 pm: Meh....
And the journalness marches on....there is not much to say so ill just whine for a bit right now i am at a place in my life where i need a companion i have been trying to hide this for too long saying oh well i am comfortable being single...and the honest truth is i really am not i am terrible lonely and have been for over 3 years now i have had 1 girlfriend in my entire life and she was just playing games the whole time it just seems as if whenever i find someone who i might start to develope feelings for they can't return said feelings and most of them can't seem to get passed my apperance....its always that or i would rather be friends or they have a boyfriend...that wouldnt bother me so much if they werent dating peice of shit guys that treat them badly its always those assholes that get all of the fucking girls. last weekend was fun i went to the mall and really had fun for the first time in quite awhile......its refreshing to hang out with a girl that i dont secretly have feelings for.....my problem is that most the girls i have been friends with in the past i have secretly had feelings for but last weekend i actually had no pressure so it was a great deal of fun getting out was good because it got my mind off the lonelyness for a bit...thats enough for now ...shall write more soon

11:00 pm: ben a bit...but whatever
Quite a bit has happened but im back....i am finally out of debt so thats good. ithought i fell in love but as per usual things didn't go as i planned. but its cool becasue i have exepted the fact that i am meant to stay single and alone all my life...so fuck it. whining about it wont make things any better so whatever....i will try to update this soon but if not meh...fuck it...haha that seems to be my new catchphrase anyhow....see you all soon



-Justin

10:23 pm: Here we go ....
This is the first edition this bad boy.I promise i will try to keep this up as much as possible. Being that i have tonight for example, i dont really have time to write too much of an entry so i shall cut it short. so i bid thee farewell until next time.



-justin